Saturday, March 12, 2011

Family Update 7: Ordering Eowyns' Headstone

So Caleb and I are going to be going to Miller-Jones Mortuary today to put in our order for Eowyns' Headstone. We are currently designing it on his Photoshop and Illustrator programs .. I'm trying not to have a nervous break down. This is just something a parent should never have to do, but it also has to be done so I'm kind of stuck. The good thing is, in about 6-8 weeks, people who go to visit her at the cemetery will be able to find where she is. I was out the other day with CJ, shopping at Wal-Mart, and we picked out some flowers to take to her .. I had to look for a second to find her and then I called CJ over and he laid the flowers down for her, then he decided he didn't like the plastic that was around the flowers so we took them out .. CJ thought it would be a good idea if we took the flowers and outlined her gave with them so people would be able to find his baby sister. So now people will be able to find her at least for a while till they get to old and the workers have to discard them. I think we'll just go back every week and do the same thing till her headstone gets there, also gives me a chance to visit her. CJ said he missed her, he put his hand on her grave and said "mom I can feel her" and then he started to cry. He's showing his emotions more and more with each day and I have to say it's not easy to deal with .. but I reassure him that she is doing great where she is and we'll see her again one day when we get to heaven and it's ok for him to feel sad, to miss her, even to be mad about it and take it to God and tell God how he feels about it all. There's still healing going on over here and though the pain will not ever go away fully, it does lighten up with time. I find myself missing her but not in a sad way, if that makes sense, I'm joyful for her .. I know what she suffered and for her to be with us for 4.5 months was incredible. I loved the time I got with her, to be her mom, to love on her, to worry about her, get gray hair over her and to just know her, see her smile and know her face. She was an amazing little girl. I don't understand everything but I know she was sent here to change our hearts, our minds and open us up to God and everything He has for us, to bring us closer to Him .. She did that!! We love her so much and I'll keep you posted so you know when her headstone gets there.

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