Friday, December 31, 2010

Eowyn Update 17: New Years Eve!

I used to secretly dread coming into the hospital room after a long night of being away from her, I never knew how good she was going to do that night or what bad news the doctors and nurses would have for me when I came in .. But now I find myself excited, not that I wasn't always excited to see her, but now to come into the hospital room every morning and find myself getting good news, which I must say is SO nice, such a gift from God and I'm not scared to leave her at night because I know that when I come in in the morning there will be more good news and if not good news at least I won't walk into the room while an RT is bagging her because her oxygen level is dropping or seeing her HR go up for no reason or seeing her so swollen she can't move or open her eyes .. The feeling of walking into this room has changed and it's all because of God and His mighty power, the work He is doing in Eowyns' life! And on that note I'll let you all know how she's doing: Her HR is wonderful, around 140bpm, a little high right now but the RT just got done doing a treatment on her .. Her saturation is 96+%, the oxygen is still at 35% but that's also because the doctors don't want to put it down any further (some oxygen is good for your body), the rate of the vent is at 16 (down from 27) and the pressure of the vent is at 23/6 .. They did come down on the INO (nitric oxide), last night when I got here they had put it down to 6.5 and by time I came in this morning they had put it down to 3.6. The RT (Sam) also told me the doctor might let him come down to 2 or 1.5 before his shift is over (which is at 7pm) .. So by tomorrow or Sunday she could be off of it completely, PRAISE GOD!! Eowyn is also getting more breast milk now, she was at 13.5cc's an hour and she is now at 19.5cc's an hour. They want her to have more calories and she's been pooping and peeing regularly so it's only fitting to give her more food, PRAISE GOD!! As most of you know the doctor's took the tubes out of her chest and her tummy yesterday around 3pm, so far she has not recollected the fluid, PRAISE GOD!! The nurse measured Eowyns' tummy and it was a half centimeter smaller then it was on night shift last night so the fluid is being absorbed properly and is not sitting in her tummy and chest, PRAISE GOD!! Now all of this is super great news and I will be the first one to thank God for every single baby set we have overcame but I do want you to know that the underlining problem of Pulmonary Hypertension and the thickening of the right side of her heart are still very much still there (they did say however that the functionality of her heart is great and works as it's supposed to work) .. So there is still a need for prayer. I have no doubt in my mind that the Lord is healing our daughter, whether it be a fast miracle or a slow one but she does still need our prayers and I know God will honor them. Thank you all so much for your diligence and your ability to not waiver when it comes to praying for Eowyns health .. God is so amazing and I can't wait to be able to thank Him in person some day, there will be no end to my PRAISING HIM!!!!!

The Chest Tubes Are Out!

Little Miss. Eowyn had a pretty eventful day today. The doctors wanted to see how well she would do if they clamped off the tubes going into her chest, they need to see if she will refill with fluid before they actually take the tubes out for good, so they switched the valves off and let her lay there with no fluid draining from her chest. She did really well apparently because when I came in this evening they were gone. I didn't notice it at first, I just remember coming into the room and saying to myself "she looks less cluttered" like her bed and the room looked a bit more empty, and that's when I looked down and noticed that not only were the two chest tubes gone but so was the belly tube. I hurried over to the nurse, kind of in shock because no one told me anything like that was going to be happening today, and asked her "when did the baby get the tubes taken out of her chest?" Apparently around 3pm today was when they had made the decision to take the tubes out. Funny thing signing over your child to the doctors, they ask for your consent to do the procedure but once they have your John Hancock you never get a phone call about anything else that has to do with that procedure .. they can modify it, cancel it or end it without even letting you know. I am happy the tubes are out, she was so uncomfortable and I'm sure she was in pain because of them. I just ask for prayer for her, that the fluid will be able to be absorbed by the body properly and she would not fill back up with fluid. The doctors must have thought her body could do it or they wouldn't have taken the drains out in the first place .. There are so many very brilliant people working here, plus I have God .. no better combo out there then that. So I will keep you all updated on how she is doing with the tubes out. I was able to help give her a bath tonight, comb her hair, hold her hand while she cried and help she fall back to sleep .. All in all it was a pretty perfect night. I love watching her sleep, I love watching her chest move up and down with each breath she takes and I love watching her eyes, feet and hands twitch knowing she's probably dreaming about dancing with our wonderful Lord and Savior .. It takes my breath away just thinking about this perfect little human God created, how could anyone but God make something to absolutely perfect!!!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Eowyn Update 16: ECO Results

Well Caleb has been at the hospital since yesterday evening and will stay there till tomorrow night, so I can't give you specific numbers but I can tell you how she's doing and what the ECO showed. From what Caleb has told me Eowyn is doing really good, her HR is about 120-130bpm, her saturation is about 95+% and the doctor did make some changes to her, as in the baby herself. He had the nurse take out the babies catheter, so now she is free to pee and poop in the diaper as she pleases lol plus they took her off the IV that was giving her nutrients and they are giving her just straight breast milk (till it runs out then they will switch to formula because I am no longer producing milk so I had to stop pumping). As for everything else (meds and vent settings) it's all the same as yesterday. The ECO report did come back this morning and Caleb was able to talk with the doctor, Basically her hypertension is not any better then when she first got there. From the numbers that Caleb saw she started at 490 and is now at 409 (not even sure how accurate the numbers are but this is the best way to keep track of the hypertension) so she has decreased but only by a very small amount, they also said that her heart has decreased in size but not by much. The doctor said the right side of the heart used to be bigger then the left (which it's not supposed to be) but now the right side of the heart is just the same size as the left, so depending on how you look at it this could be good news .. at this point they're not sure if it's because of the medication they are giving her or if the lungs are starting to recover on their own from whatever this was that caused it. They talked to Caleb again about doing a biopsy of her lungs again but after talking it over with the other surgeons and doctors they all decided that if there was anything they could do to help the hypertension they are already doing it so for the time being they feel like the biopsy is unnecessary. The plan for now is to just keep on weaning the vent settings and see if Eowyn is able to come off the vent. Caleb told me that Eowyn has been sleeping for most of the day (the nurses put a beanie over her eyes to put her to sleep, they do this because they want her to sleep as much as possible, I call it the coma beanie lol because every time you put this beanie on her head she falls right to sleep, it's so funny) but when she is awake he has been talking to her and making her smile. The nurse for this morning even told Caleb that Eowyn is the sweetest little baby she has taken care of, she said Eowyn, despite being moved and occasionally crying, always has a little smile on her face and she thinks Eowyn has a beautiful disposition. Hearing that lifted my spirits because after hearing about the hypertension not going down very much I've been having a very bad and hard day .. I don't know how long this is going to last but I do know that we are in this for the long haul, so whatever it may take of us just know we are going to do all we can for her .. everything else is going to have to come from the Lord, all our trust is in Him and that's about all we can depend on. So please keep praying that God will preform a complete healing in Eowyns' body and for us to have to strength and heart to keep pushing forward .. It's hard sometime to find the good in all of this especially when all you get is one bad news after another, but the good is in there, it's just harder to see.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Eowyn Update 15: Talked With Doctor

Our baby is looking great today .. When I came in this morning she was sleeping. I was waiting for a couple of hours for her to wake up and she finally did, I just got done playing with her and then helping her fall back asleep. She just wants so badly to get out of that bed and be held, I can see it in her eyes and I'm sure she can see the same thing in mine lol. She's had another great night and morning, right now her HR is 149, saturation is 95%, the vent setting have been lowered again from 18 to 16 and they are talking about lowering her INO (nitric oxide), they haven't done it yet but it currently is at 15 so we'll see what they do with that later. As for everything else (meds) it's the same as yesterday. I did talk with Dr. Mirza earlier, who is the doctor for the day shift this week, and he was telling me that they are still discussing whether or not they even want to still do the biopsy. He said this was the lowest the pressures have ever been since she's been here and they feel like even if they do the biopsy they may not get any answers from it, it could just tell them what they already know and if they do get an answer they may not be able to do anything for her that they aren't already doing, then again if they do the biopsy it could tell them that there is something causing the hypertension and if it is curable then they can give her medication for it. So there are a lot of things to think about for them. He also told me that if she is able to be weaned off the vent that they could postpone the biopsy for a later time when she's older, even 6 months older would be better for her. It's better to do a biopsy on a healthier older baby then it is for a sick and younger baby. But then if we brought her in to do the biopsy when she's older it would be voluntary and the doctor said it would have less risk involved and she would just come in get it done and go home. So, again, there are a lot of things to think about and discuss .. For now, he said, they want to just see if she can be weaned off the vent. If she can't then they will think about putting a Tracheotomy in. He said that would be better for her then the tube down her throat because they would be able to go down or completely off the pain and sleeping medication and she would be able to be fed through her mouth instead of through the tube in her nose, and we would be able to hold her .. He also told me that if she couldn't come off the breathing tube and they had to put the Trake in, she could be brought home with a Trake and a vent .. apparently they have a program for that and currently over 200 babies are in that program. So even if she has to come home with a Trake and a vent she will be give the chance to grow and get bigger so if they do want to do the biopsy we can wait till it's safer for her .. This is the goodness of God. He also said that if she is given time to grow and get bigger the hypertension will probably decrease with time. I kind of don't like talking to this doctor, not because he's mean or doesn't know what he's talking about, he's actually quite brilliant, but he's always a downer. He looks at the glass as half empty and always leans toward the worse case scenario, so it's a bit hard to listen to him and still keep the hope of her coming home, all the good stuff I just wrote about I had to pry out of him .. But God is bigger the the doctor so if it's His desire for Eowyn to come home then she will. Maybe she's in here to change Dr.Mirza's way of thinking and you never know, maybe he'll come to know Christ through all of this! The ECO was done this morning around 8am and the final report will be done and ready for the doctor to look over tomorrow .. So just keep praying that there is a great improvement in the hypertension of her lungs and the doctors come to us with some outstanding news about the baby and for complete healing in Eowyn's body.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Eowyn Update 14

Eowyn is still doing really good .. Her HR is around 150bpm, her saturation is 96-100%, her oxygen is remaining at 35% because the doctors said oxygen is good for your body and at 35% it's not toxic for her, so for now the oxygen will stay the same and they will only worry about bringing the pressure and general settings of the vent down which they have been able to do yesterday and again this morning. Also, they turned off her Lasix drip and will now be giving it to her every 6 hours like they were doing before she turned into Miss Butterball. The RT (Sam) came in and brought the Nitric Oxide down from 20 to 15 so slowly everything is coming down and I am just so looking forward to the day I can hold her. I had her smiling again this morning after I got her to calm down and stop crying, the nurse () suctioned Eowyn and she didn't like it. You can't hear her cry (because of the breathing tube) but that doesn't mean you don't know when she's mad and crying, it's so cute and sad at the same time. Then I rubbed her head and helped her fall asleep, which is what she's still doing .. I should be doing that to because who couldn't use a good nap from time to time! So for now everything seems to be the same and that's fine with me, rather be here with her doing good then back where we were a week ago. God is so good and I am so thankful for what He is continuing to do in the life and body of Eowyn and in myself .. Trials are good from time to time because they help to show you how far you have drifted from God and how much closer you could be to Him. Please continue to pray for her, for complete healing in her body. Also pray for CJ and Jesse as they are sick right now and with them sick it causes us to be at a higher risk of getting sick ourselves .. If Caleb or I get sick we won't be able to come to the hospital to be with Eowyn and we will be asked to leave the Ronald McDonald house. God is in control and I know He is the best judge for this situation so we will continue to lean on Him and seek His will in everything!!

Also the nurse told me that as far she knows the ECO is still on for tomorrow. Please be praying tomorrow that they will get some great images and it will show healing in her lungs, that the hypertension is healed or has decreased drastically .. I'll let you know what happens tomorrow, God Bless!

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Eowyn's First CHRIST-mas~!

CHRIST-mas Day~!

We have been so blessed this year .. So many people coming out to help us and most of all the boys got so many gifts they are just beside themselves on what to open and play with first. It truly has been a great Christmas. The only thing to top it off would have been having Eowyn with us at our home to join in the fun, but I am still blessed because of how well she is doing .. God is doing a huge miracle in her, that's all I can say. I cam into the hospital around 4:30pm and she was sleeping so I got on the laptop and messed around a bit on FB just waiting for her to wake up .. When she finally did it was worth the wait. She opened her eyes looked straight at me and smiled .. Then I started talking to her and she just kept smiling, looking at me and smiling, moving and trying to turn her head, moving her arms and legs .. looked like she just wanted to be picked up and played with (That's what I was trying to resist from doing to be honest lol). The nurse came a little while later to change her and discovered that Miss Eowyn had a poop diaper again (FYI: The third poop for today), then the baby got suctioned and it made her chock (which is what she supposed to do) she didn't like it so much that I got to see her throw a fit and start to cry, even though I couldn't hear her it still made me cry, just to know that a couple of days ago she was on so much medication and she was completely paralyzed and now to see her trying to cry and express so much emotion is the biggest blessing I could ask for .. Praise God for everything that He is doing! I just stand before Him with nothing to say because all the words that come to mind somehow seem so unworthy to even be spoken in front of Him .. How do you find the perfect word to thank God for the miracle He is doing? Is there even such a word that exists? I don't think so, but just know this, once I get to heaven I will not be without the perfect word to describe my perfect, all powerful, amazingly wonderful Father!! We couldn't have her home this Christmas but it was the best CHRIST-mas so far .. God Bless you all and I pray you have a wonderful rest of the day! Thank you God for choosing to be born because without You we would all be in lots of trouble .. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS!!!!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Eowyn Update 13: Christmas Eve!

Today is Christmas Eve and to tell you the truth I never thought, even for a second, that one of my family members (especially one of my own kids) would be in the hospital .. But here we are! God has brought us so very far, not only in our own walk with Him but as a family too .. We are more united, stronger and not just toward each other but stronger as a family unit looking to God for everything! I'd like to think that, if anything, she had this happen to her because there are people out there that God was trying to reach and this was the only way He was going to be able to reach them or change them. She has so many people around the world praying for her I like to believe it's for a reason, even if it's just to save one person from going to hell. Many of us won't even accomplish that in our time here on earth .. She's only 3 months old and unintentionally through this situation she has helped us all grow closer to the Lord and learn what it means to really lean on Him in our time of great need. Our family has been so blessed with gifts this year, so many people really getting into the Christmas spirit of giving that it brings tears to my eyes (in a good way) every time I think about what so many of you have done for us. There is truly nothing I could ever do to repay your kindness and love that you have shown us .. We love you!!

Now for the babies update .. She is still doing very good, Praise God! We came in this morning after her RT (Tom) had just got done doing a breathing treatment on her. The nurse (Raquel) had informed me that Eowyn did very good in the night and so far she was doing good for the morning also. Her HR is 156bpm, the saturation is at 96-100%, she's breathing above the ventilator settings so that's good because it means that she is taking her own breaths and not just relying on the vent to breath for her. The doctor had the RT go down on the vent settings also, so now she's at 34% oxygen, the rate of the vent went from 22 down to 20 and her pressure is at 26/6. They also decided to go up on her feedings because she is starting to poop regularly again, so now they are going to go up by 3cc's every 6 hours till she hits around 20cc's an hour and right now she's at 8cc's so she has a little bit to go. She is going to be getting an Eco done on Monday to check on the hypertension in her lungs and see if there has been any improvement .. I am hopeful (But I'm also an optimist) and I do think that her hypertension is going away, if it hasn't already. I still would like you all to keep praying for her and asking the Lord for complete healing in her body. The Lord is in control and I know with everything in me that He has a great will for Eowyns' life and I will love to see it come to fruition! I pray every single one of you have a wonderfully blessed CHRIST-mas .. Just keep in mind that it's not about how many gifts you get, like we tell our kids, Christmas is the day Jesus was born (kind of), He came to earth as a baby so that He would grow into a man, die on the cross to save the whole world from their sins so that we could enter the kingdom of heaven and spend eternity with God .. without Him being born none of that would have happened and we would be in a very hopeless place. Have a very blessed CHRIST-mas and please keep praying for our baby!!

Family Meeting with Doctor.

A family meeting was planned to discuss the severity of Eowyn’s health based on the events that were unfolding throughout the beginning of this week. Toward the end of last week, Eowyn’s condition was rapidly deteriorating and continued to worsen until Tuesday morning. Eowyn’s body was distending with fluid to the extent that it was generating even greater pressures on her lungs. Tuesday morning they decided to place several tubes in her body which included the left and right side of her lungs. As of right now, just on her left side, they have extracted 800 CCs’ of fluid. Since the tubes were placed two things have changed: the objective of the meeting and Eowyns’ condition. Eowyn has been doing very well on her stats since the procedure and has been making exceptional progress on the ventilator settings; therefor, the meeting was much more positive than originally intended. What we did not know is that the doctors have diagnosed Eowyn with Right Heart Failure. The un-oxygenated blood coming to the heart is being forced out by her pulmonary hypertension. Blood is a mixture of cells and watery liquid, called plasma, that the cells float in. it also contains other things like nutrients (such as sugar), hormones, clotting agents, and waste products. All this fluid—cells excluded—IS what is leaking out into her lungs and body. Without these plugs in her, Eowyn will continue to swell with this fluid. With these tubes Eowyn has been able to make significant progress; hopefully this progress will allow the hypertension to dissipate or provide a window for the doctors to perform a lung biopsy. We are praying earnestly that her body will begin to resume a normal function with the help of these tubes.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Eowyn Update 12: The Morning After!

I went to bed last night with a warm and comforting feeling in my soul, as if God rocked me to sleep. It might sound weird but that's what it felt like. Coming in this morning to the hospital I thought about how the baby did in the night and if I would receive any bad or not so good news from the nurse or doctors, but I didn't! Praise God! She did great all night. Her stats didn't drop, they didn't need to bag her and they didn't need to go up on the vent settings, again Praise God! So right now she's awake, looking around, moving her arms and legs (well as much as she can move them), they have her off the paralytic completely and started to feed her also, she's getting 3cc's an hour of breast milk. The nurse told me that Eowyn has been farting all night, which is good and means that her bowels are starting to function properly again, again Praise God! Praise God! Praise God! So right now her HR is at 160bpm which is a little high but she also awake so that alone will increase the HR, her saturation is at 97-100%, the oxygen is at 50% and the ventilator setting were able to go down from 30/9 to 28/7, again Praise God! He is faithful and has heard His peoples prayers .. It is amazing to sit here and see Him work day after day and know that no one can take credit for this miracle other then God. All I want to do is worship Him, sing songs of praise to Him and I really wish I could give Him a HUGE bear hug. I think this is a little taste of how we all will feel on that day we get to see our Savior face to face .. just shower Him with praise and worship. I can not wait for that day!! God is so good!!

Unexpected Blessing!!

I wanted to write about the blessing I (or should I say the kids) received last night: So after leaving here from the hospital last night around 1:00am I got in my car and drove to the Ronald McDonald House where we have been staying, I park the car, get in the door of the house and decide to go in the kitchen to look in our pantry (each room has an individual pantry) for a late night snack, my surprise comes when I open the pantry and a huge wrapped gift basket full of food and goodies is sitting there staring me in the face lol .. Then after praising God for such a wonderful surprise and blessing (and also after looking through it) I put it back in the pantry and start to make my way to the room. I put my key in and turn the handle to open the door and before me in the middle of my room stands a brand new 2 wheeler bike (for CJ) and a huge black trash bag (like the big 33g garden bags) full of toys for all the kids, there's even little girl toys in there (Eowyn officially has her very first baby doll), it was amazing, all I could do was thank God for this wonderful gift and blessing that was in my room .. I still can't believe it happened. God is so good and provides even when we don't ask for it. I just pray that whoever gave us the bike and toys, whether it be one person or many people, that God would bless them as they have blessed us .. How great is our God!!!! Oh also, before Eowyn came to the hospital I had decided to attempt making a blanket for her, nothing fancy but I wanted to try and make those blanket that you tie the fabric together all around the whole blanket (hopefully you know what I'm talking about) but before I got a chance to do it Eowyn was in the hospital and I haven't thought about it since (to much other stuff to think about) but I really wanted her to have one, well I got one of those blankets in the black bag of toys .. How wonderful is that!! God knows the desires of our heart even when we don't come and ask Him, He's still faithful to bless us with it .. I just stood there with this blanket in my hands and worshiped God, I couldn't even speak because I was in shock .. He provided more then I could even imagine!!!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Eowyn Update 11: Praise Report

I got a call this morning at 9:42am from the doctors informing me that yesterdays ultrasound revealed large amounts of fluid gathering in her belly and around her lungs, more fluid on her left side of her chest then the right but fluid none the less. Their idea was to put a drain in on the left side of the chest near the lung to help relieve the pressure of the fluid that was building up, well the procedure went so well they decided to also put a drain on the right side of her chest to help with the draining .. Well it worked out great, the doctor told me that as soon as they had stuck the tube in 150cc's drained out of her left side instantly and 70cc's drained out of the right side .. She does have the tube in her belly as well and so far that has drained out 110cc's. The measurement on her belly showed that it went down by half a centimeter, very little but still praise worthy! So now her HR is at 139bpm, saturation is in between 95 - 100%, oxygen is down to 50% and the vent rate is still at 25, mostly because they don't want to do to much to fast. She is very stable right now and the doctors want to give her time to adjust and have time being in a positive setting. When I first came in today it was 1:30pm and I was told that the procedure took 3 hours from start to finish, when I saw her she had her eyes wide open and was just looking at me. I talked to her, rubbed her head and gave her a little message with lotion on her legs and arms .. It was so wonderful, then she stayed awake for like 3 hours just looking at me and looking around at the room and finally fell asleep. Caleb and I do ask for your prayers at this time because we both are meeting with the doctors tomorrow to have a family meeting and we may have to make some decisions about Eowyn and her future .. We need the Lord to give us knowledge, wisdom and discernment to make sure we make the best decisions we can for Eowyn. Please keep us in your prayers tonight and tomorrow .. Pray that Eowyn does great tonight, that the Lord does a great work in her body and for complete healing. I really want a miracle because then it leaves no one guessing to who healed her, they will have no choice but to praise God for the healing .. I want the doctors and the nurses to be dumbfounded and know that nothing but the Lord could have done it.

Oh also, when I came in this afternoon the nurse and RT informed me that the baby was doing bad all night and this morning they had to bag her three times, her fingers and hands were turning blue and the RT told me that you could see her face start to have a tint of blue .. Mike (the RT) had told me that if they hadn't of done the drains he was afraid the baby was going to pass away today .. So PRAISE GOD!!! See how good our God is .. He sees around the corner and knows whats going to happen way before it does. I left last night at 1:30am and she was doing quite well so when they told me all that had happened it took me by surprise because I thought she was doing good, but God knew better and our prayers were answered .. All the praise, glory and honor go to God!!! Thank you all for you prayers!!!

Urgent Prayer Needed!!

There is another large collection of fluid in her belly and they are going to put in another drain. There is also a large collection of fluid around the lungs this time, and they want to put a plug there as well. PLEASE pray that the procedures will go smoothly and that she DOES NOT GET AN INFECTION! Infections could be enough to send her health spiraling downward. There is a possibility that they could puncture the lung during this procedure so pray against that also. Please continue to pray for wisdom and healing. The doctors want to have a family meeting tomorrow to talk about Eowyns treatment options; we NEED WISDOM!

Monday, December 20, 2010

Eowyn Update 10: Love Her Eyes & She Pooped!!

Everyday I come into her room I can't wait for the moment where she opens her eyes .. even if it's her looking through half opened, groggy eyelids. She has such beautiful and unique eyes, it's amazing how God works that out .. How everyone is so different and how God is so creative that He can give everyone a different fingerprint .. He could have just made us all the same, but He didn't!!

Eowyn has been doing good for the most part today. The nurse this morning told me that Eowyn had a little fit (meaning she desated) a bit during shift change but other then that she has been stable all day. Her HR is 158 at this moment but they just got done doing a treatment on her chest so it will go once she settles down a bit, her saturation has been between 88-92 all day, the oxygen is at 70% and the rate of the vent is at 25. The only thing they did today was an ultrasound of her belly, they needed to check on the fluid gathering and see if there is enough in one spot to consider doing another drain. *OK so as I was writing the nurse called me over to see something, so the time elapsed between the last sentence and this one is about 10 minutes, and when I went over there she showed me the biggest poop I have ever seen lol .. it may not sound like a lot to you but it is a great step for her!!! She pooped a little yesterday but other then that she hasn't pooped in a long time, oh also when the nurse was wiping her she farted .. So that means a couple of things, first it could mean that the doctors will start feeding her again, they had to stop the feedings because she wasn't having bowel movements, second it could mean that her ileus is either healed up or at least on it's way to healing up .. So either way this is a very good thing .. Praise God!!!!! Oh yes we will even Praise Him for poop!!!* OK so back to the fluid .. they may end up putting another drain in but we won't know the results of the ultrasound till tomorrow. Tomorrow she will also be having some more blood drawn and sent out to Texas for testing, they are testing her for a rare gene (I don't remember what it's called) but if she has a deficiency of this gene it would be the cause of the hypertension in her lungs and explain why her lungs have trouble with producing oxygen properly .. What ever happens with the test whether it comes back positive or not we need to keep our eyes and faces fixed on God. No matter the outcome of the test only God holds the key to life and death and as for me and my family we will praise Him in EVERYTHING .. The good and the bad. We love you all so very much and thank you with everything in us for the diligent prayers you all are putting out there.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Eowyn Update 9: A Little Shaky

For the most part today she has been stable and all her stats are basically the same as yesterday. She is off dopamine completely, praise God! They did stop feeding her today .. They will keep trying a little here and there, but her tummy is still very swollen and so is the rest of her for the most part, Lasix is working pretty good however she is so swollen it will take a while to see a good difference from the medication. They put her on a new antibiotic today, not sure the name of it but it seems to be turning her pee orange .. kind of funny to see. Her HB is at 150, saturation is 84 (But the doctor thinks it's so low bc they took her off the paralytic and her body is just adjusting), oxygen is at 55% and the vent setting is at 25 (again bc of the paralytic being off they had to mess with the settings to get her as stable as possible). I also noticed as they were doing her breathing treatment that the back of her head is COMPLETELY bald now :( She had such a pretty full head of hair too .. I know it can grow back but it looks really bad!! At least I can still put a bow in her hair on the top of her head :) .. I am sad that she wasn't there for CJ's birthday party. We had a small party for him (Just family) today at 3pm .. Papa George warmed up the whole pool so all the kids could go swimming. We had spaghetti with garlic bread, a beautiful and super yummy cake that my mom made by herself with ice cream then CJ opened his gifts .. I now need to clean out his toy box and get rid of all the old toys before Christmas gets here .. We are so blessed and as I was sitting there missing my baby girl and sad because she couldn't be there I looked around and was amazed and blessed to see how many people love us so unconditionally .. God knows how to fit exactly the right people together to make the perfect family, He knew what He was doing when He picked out mine!! Thank you all so much for all the prayers you are putting out for Eowyn and for the whole family .. You are so much a part of all this and we really couldn't have done it without you .. I pray God will return the blessings on all of you, so you can feel all the love just as we do!!!

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Eowyn Update 8: Another Good Day!

Yet again, God is so GOOD!! She has had another stable day .. HR around 135 (150 when she's awake), saturation is 94-97%, Oxygen is at 50% and the ventilator setting is at 23 (was at 27). Not only are the stats doing good she is also going to be off the paralytic tonight completely and if she stays stable they will keep it off for good .. As for the Flolan, the doctor told us yesterday that it's affect on her would be the same as the Nitric Oxide she's already on and with the Flolan she would have a possible side effect of bleeding in her lungs. So after talking it over with the doctor we decided to not do the new drug at this time. The doctor said she was doing well and he thinks it wouldn't be of any benefit at this time however if she does have another episode like she did at the beginning of this week he feels like it would be a good idea to start it then. Praise God for another good day, I just can't stop thanking Him for the work He is doing in her life .. and ours!!

Also they are going to start feeding her a little bit (1cc an hour) of breast milk .. Pray that it will not upset her tummy and that it will not block up her bowl es. She is still filled with fluid but when I saw her this morning her face looked less swollen, at least the Laysics (medication to help you absorb fluid and pee it out) is working and they did say it would take a few days for it to be really noticeable .. Praise God for medication and technology!!

Friday, December 17, 2010

Eowyn Update 7: Praise Report!

We as believers should praise God in all things, the bad, the not so bad, the good and the great .. So for now we praise Him for the good, Eowyn has been stable and actually improving a little today. Her HB is around 135, her saturation is at 93% right now but for the earlier part of today she was at 100% for quite a while plus they have started to lower the ventilator settings so when she does start moving she will have the chance to breath on her own a bit "PTL", the dopamine has been lowered to 5 (it was at 10) and they are even lowering the paralytic so she can start moving and opening her eyes a little bit .. I can't say this enough times "GOD IS SO GOOD" well not just good but great, fantastic, magnificent, all powerful, I mean there are not enough humanly words in my mind to describe the awesomeness of the God we all serve. I think the greatest ones are, God is Faithful (even when we are not) and God is Just, in everything He does (even when we want the answer for "Why?" but the answer is not given). Again I want to thank every single one of you for diligently praying for our little girl .. You all will forever be in her life and a part of her future, you all are the reason why we can stand here and say "Prayer Works!" So we wait and see what God bring us tomorrow, but for now we fall on our faces to worship and praise the God who was and is and is yet to come!!

Already 1 Month!

So it's been 1 month today that Eowyn was admitted to the hospital, 1 month since our whole world got turned upside down, 1 month that seems to have gone by so fast and at the same time feels like we've been without our baby for a life time .. It kind of makes me realize how our Father in heaven feels when His children aren't with Him. How He longs to be with us and how one day we will all be with Him worshiping His greatness .. What a day that will be, what a day it will be when I too can take my little baby girl home to love on her, hold her, tell her of the amazing healing the Lord did in her life, even change her diapers (Which I never thought I would miss). 1 month ago was the day she almost died but she didn't and I have to believe it was for a reason, I may not know what the reason is right now but I'm sure God will help me to uncover it some day. She not out of danger but I know my God is faithful, He's the master physician, nothing is impossible when the Lord is on your side .. like I say "The words or man mean little to me compared to God!" and even if the doctors count her out I know that only God has the final say, Only God holds the keys to life and death and that in itself comforts me.

Also Eowyn turned 3 months old yesterday .. Can't believe how fast it goes!!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Your Hands with Lyrics JJ Heller *We Love This Song*

A song introduced to use by Pastor Glenn .. Thank you for this song, the lyrics mean so much to us!

Kerrie Roberts- No Matter What *I Love This Song!*

Eowyn Update 6

My little girl is doing a bit better .. Praise Jesus! Don't misunderstand me, the condition of her lungs and heart are the same it's the number for her HR and saturation that are improving. Today her HR was around 145-150bpm, her saturation (SpO2) is around 94 which we haven't seen it that high in about 5 days so Thank you God for that! Her oxygen on the ventilator is at 60%, which is a little high still but it's better then what is was at (85-90%). I praise God for little things and the big things .. What's coming up for her is the doctors still need to start the Flolan, which they haven't done bc the medication has never been used at Loma Linda Children's Hospital and it's never been used in a baby as small as Eowyn so they need to make sure that the dosage is correct and how to administer the drug is done properly so they've been calling different hospitals around the area who have experience with the drug (which is few) to get advise about what to do. Once they are sure that what they are doing is completely correct they will start the drug and we'll be able to see if it's going to help bring down her Pulmonary Hypertension. Also the doctor talked to 2 different surgeons about Eowyn's biopsy and they both agreed that if they were to do a biopsy at this time it would for sure kill her, so we are waiting for that still. They won't do the biopsy till her swelling goes down and the settings on the ventilator go down quite a bit, if this all happens then they will reevaluate her and see if it will be possible to do at that time. Thank you all for the continued prayer for our baby girl, I know it's doing a world of difference for her and Caleb and I are feeling it too .. Keep up the good work, you all are a huge part of the testimony she's going to gave when she grows up .. In the words of Caleb "We love all your wonderful faces!" PRAISE GOD!!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Eowyn Update 5: Praise Report of Picc Lines.

Thank you all for your prayers .. The procedure went very well and it was successful. God is so awesome and faithful! As of right now her HR is at 178bpm and her SpO2 is at 90-92 .. Her oxygen on the vent is at 85 but she did just have the procedure done so it will take a bit to get the vent settings down .. Also they are going to put her on Flolen but bc she's not a year old or bigger they won't do a constant drip through an IV in her chest, however they are going to use it in an inhaler for that they will give her through her breathing tube .. It's not quite as effective but it should do her good and it's given every 6 hours .. Please pray the medication will work great and not give her complications. Continue to pray for full and compete healing in her body .. God is awesome and He is able!!

Please Pray Now!!

Eowyn is about to undergo a procedure to place a new central line into her heart, PLEASE PRAY! they want to remove the infectious picc lines. Also Flolan is off the table. Now the only plan is for her to get better on her own until they can proceed with the biopsy OR take her off of the ventilator completely.

Here's The Skinny: By Caleb!

Before I get started I would like to say that the purpose of this blog has mostly been about updating all you amazing friends and family as to the actual physical condition of Eowyns’ health. As much as I would like to use this site as a podium, there are so many people who are inquiring about our little baby that it behooves us to create a platform that allows us to disperse information in a manner that can be easily accessed; besides, I hate texting! However, It has become obvious to me that this blog needs to touch on so much more. This blog is going to be longer than usual, so for the sake of those who would just like to hear a quick update I am going to start with Wynnies health.
You may have heard that she has an infection; as of Saturday night, that infection manifested in such a way that I began questioning whether she would make it through the night. Many of the doctors began informing us that many children who are as sick as Eowyn do not make it passed another hurdle of that magnitude. Despite all of that, I am overjoyed to say that, as of last night, Eowyns’ health began making a turn into the positive direction. Praise God for His mercy and faithfullness. She has been stable this entire day, and the nurses have been able to turn down many of the settings on the ventilator as well as many of the treatments. We really felt that before this infection hit she had been making progress and we feel that way again. There has been talk of a drug called Flolan that might help us get her settings down far enough to conduct a biopsy. The next goal is to get her off the ventilator.
Having said all that I think that it is important to discuss purpose. Many of you have heard me say this before and most likely tonight won't be the last time you will hear it again. Suffering is one of those questions that leaves many Christians answerless, and can cause many to question and turn from God. In an open debate this same question regarding suffering was posed by an atheistic philosopher; he asked his Christian opponent, “How do you explain the goodness of God to a child who is dying of cancer or some other terminal condition. How can a God who is so loving allow such horrible things to take place?” For a long time this question has haunted me, and many of you I’m sure. It wasn’t until I heard an even better question that I felt I had some sort of closure regarding the subject. That question is: What does an atheist tell that very same child? I’m sorry but you never really mattered anyway; we are all here by accident? You see; we all deal with suffering. In this situation the only one who has anything to offer IS God, if we turn our backs in situations like these we have just lost the only platform for hope that there is.
This is where the debate begins to break down within the body of Christ. As a person of faith, don’t I have to the power to move mountains? Don’t I have the power, by faith, to heal those who are sick? Is God going to heal her? Is our lack of faith the only thing that prevents miracles to take place? Am I not healed or my loved ones not healed because I don’t have enough faith? Do I even believe in miracles? The answer is: yes, yes, I don’t know, maybe, no, yes.
I do believe that our God is omnipotent. Of course he has the power to heal; if he can uncover the foundations of the world with a blast of his nostrils (psalms 18:15) he can heal if he pleases. So why hasn’t he healed Eowyn? It must be because I don’t have enough faith, right? WRONG!!! I do believe that we have power in the name of Jesus, I do believe that God may still heal her, and I claim healing over her without ceasing, but we are not responsible if he doesn’t. I believe that God has a purpose for all things, and some things just wont change no matter how much twang I can imbue my faith-drenched words with. According to Exodus 4:11 (New King James Version)
11 So the LORD said to him, “Who has made man’s mouth? Or who makes the mute, the deaf, the seeing, or the blind? Have not I, the LORD?
that God has taken full responsibility for those who have been created with ailments, and I believe that God has a purpose for it. Take an example from the most righteous of all, our precious lord who asked that he might not have to suffer.
Luke 22:41-43 (New King James Version)
41 And He was withdrawn from them about a stone’s throw, and He knelt down and prayed, 42 saying, “Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done.” 43 Then an angel appeared to Him from heaven, strengthening Him.
Even though he asked, it was not part of the plan. And what are we supposed to ask when we pray?
Luke 11:2 (New King James Version)
2 So He said to them, “When you pray, say: Our Father in heaven,[a]
Hallowed be Your name. Your kingdom come.[b]
Your will be done On earth as it is in heaven. 

The bible says that his ways are not are ways; I have no idea why God does what he does when he does it. But I have to believe that God is in control.
Romans 9:18-20 (New King James Version)
18 Therefore He has mercy on whom He wills, and whom He wills He hardens. 
19 You will say to me then, “Why does He still find fault? For who has resisted His will?” 20 But indeed, O man, who are you to reply against God? Will the thing formed say to him who formed it, “Why have you made me like this?”
Here are a few more verses that might illuminate the point of purpose. As much as I believe God would have us walk in faith—and I do—I do believe that ultimately our faith needs to line up with his purpose and will.
John 7 16:18 Jesus[c] answered them and said, “My doctrine is not Mine, but His who sent Me. 17 If anyone wills to do His will, he shall know concerning the doctrine, whether it is from God or whether I speak on My own authority. 18 He who speaks from himself seeks his own glory; but He who seeks the glory of the One who sent Him is true, and no unrighteousness is in Him.

Ephesians 1:4-6 (New King James Version)
4 just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, 5 having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, 6 to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved.
Ephesians 1:8-12 (New King James Version)
8 which He made to abound toward us in all wisdom and prudence, 9 having made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His good pleasure which He purposed in Himself, 10 that in the dispensation of the fullness of the times He might gather together in one all things in Christ, both[a] which are in heaven and which are on earth—in Him. 11 In Him also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestined according to the purpose of Him who works all things according to the counsel of His will, 12 that we who first trusted in Christ should be to the praise of His glory.
Colossians 1:9 For this reason we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding; 10 that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; 11 strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and longsuffering with joy; 12 giving thanks to the Father who has qualified us to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in the light. 13 He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love, 14 in whom we have redemption through His blood,[c] the forgiveness of sins. 15 He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. 16 For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him. 17 And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist. 18 And He is the head of the body, the church, who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in all things He may have the preeminence.19 For it pleased the Father that in Him all the fullness should dwell, 20 and by Him to reconcile all things to Himself, by Him, whether things on earth or things in heaven, having made peace through the blood of His cross. 21 And you, who once were alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, yet now He has reconciled 22 in the body of His flesh through death, to present you holy, and blameless, and above reproach in His sight— 23 if indeed you continue in the faith, grounded and steadfast, and are not moved away from the hope of the gospel which you heard, which was preached to every creature under heaven, of which I, Paul, became a minister.24 I now rejoice in my sufferings for you, and fill up in my flesh what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ, for the sake of His body, which is the church, 25 of which I became a minister according to the stewardship from God which was given to me for you, to fulfill the word of God, 26 the mystery which has been hidden from ages and from generations, but now has been revealed to His saints. 27 To them God willed to make known what are the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles: which[d] is Christ in you, the hope of glory. 28 Him we preach, warning every man and teaching every man in all wisdom, that we may present every man perfect in Christ Jesus. 29 To this end I also labor, striving according to His working which works in me mightily.

Hebrews 13:20-22 (New King James Version 20 Now may the God of peace who brought up our Lord Jesus from the dead, that great Shepherd of the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting covenant, 21 make you complete in every good work to do His will, working in you[a] what is well pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen.
1 John 5:13-15 (New King James Version)
13 These things I have written to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, that you may know that you have eternal life,[a] and that you may continue to believe in the name of the Son of God. 14 Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. 15 And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him.
I know that God loved you enough to send his only begotten son to die for your and my sins. And I know that he loves Eowyn more than I ever could. I know that he knew Eowyn before the foundation of the earth, and I know that the bible teaches that we are to intercede for others in prayer. I thank each and every one of you who are doing just that for our family, and I hope that you will continue to do so. Again, I just want to say how much I love every one of your beautiful faces; even if I am wearing love-colored glasses, they look beautiful to me.
Thank you all so much: The Havertapes.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Eowyn Update 4

Eowyn has been kind of steady for the most part today .. she's still very sensitive when you touch her or talk to loud in her room but her stats are the same now as they were this morning. She's at 180bpm for her HR and her BP is looking good but thats only after they put her on dopamine to help it come back up. They found out that her blood has bacteria in it, probably from on of the picc lines she has in one of her arms, so they are giving her antibiotic for that .. thats also why she had a fever two nights ago and her HR went up really high. The vent settings are still high, her rate is at 27 breaths per minute and the oxygen they're giving her is at 80%. For now we have to wait it out and see if she can recover from this infection, then if the vent settings come down a bit they want to do the biopsy, even though they think she has a high risk of complications and even death. The doctors are not very encouraging when they talk to us and it's as if they have already sentenced her to death before really knowing what caused her lungs to stop working in the first place. It's not that I haven't considered that she may not make it, bc I have, but she not dead yet and I refuse to give up hope till the Lord decides He wants to take her .. After all "The words of men mean little to me compared to God!!" Like George says "We may be helpless, but we are not hopeless!!" And my hope rests with The Lord.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Eowyn Update 3: Not Looking Good!

Last night around 11pm Caleb called me (I was at home with the boys) and he started telling me what as going on with Eowyn. Her heart rate had gone up, over a 2 hour period, and was around 205bpm, also her SpO2 levels were down to 50% (out of 100%). The RT had to start bagging her to try and help the oxygen level gone up .. he did that for about an hour. She also had a temp of 102.3 which was making her HR go so high. So while all that was going on Caleb called me and told me what was going on with her, he said he thought I should come to the hospital because he wasn't sure if they could get the HR down and at that time it went to 208bpm (210-240bpm is when you start to go into vtec). I started freaking out, crying and just praying to God. Britny drove me to the hospital (in record time) and all the while we were just praying to God for Eowyn while I cried uncontrollably in the passenger seat. I was asking Him for healing and safety in Eowyns' life and body, but also if this was her time to go that He would make it quick and swift, without pain for her .. That moment was the closes I have ever felt to loosing her. It was heart renching to even think about. So we get to the hospital and her HR was around 200-205bpm with the SpO levels being in the low 70's .. she still didn't look good. They ended up putting her on paralisis so she wouldn't fight the vent, increased her morphine and put her on 3 different antibiotics. They pulled blood, urin and secretion from her lungs for testing .. they were thinking she developed some type of infection from one of the picc lines that are in her arms. So now it's today and we saw her earlier this morning and her stats were the same as when I left her early in the morning around 4am .. Her HR did go down a little to 180bpm, her SpO2 level was going from 70-80%, her temp did go down and they did have to put her back on dopamine because her BP did start to drop a bit (even though it tends to do that when she's paralized). So for now that's how she is .. I'm going back to see her latter tonight and I will update you on her condition tomorrow .. Thank you everyone for the continued prayers, we feel them and most of all so does she.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Beautiful Eowyn!!

A Little Q&A with Caleb and Myself!

So Caleb and I were talking and the question was asked, "Why can't we just know what's wrong with her? Why can't God come down from heaven and simply tell us 'she's going to live' or 'she's going to die'?" It would be nice to know the answer to both of those questions, even if we don't like the answers, but at least we'd know and some small part of the stress would be gone. If God could just come down and sit with us and say, "This is how it's going to be ..." But then I feel like God spoke through me while we were both wondering about the question and this is the answer we got, "If He came down and sat with us and told us everything that was about to happen and what the outcome would be would we still seek after Him?" If we knew all the answers to the problems and how it all would end would so many people around the world still lift their faces to God in prayer! I don't think so .. So I think the reason He doesn't just tell us the answers from the get go (even though occasionally that does happen) or even tell us the answers at all is beacuse we would probably stop seeking Him, praying to Him, praising Him and in the end we would fall away from Him completely. I know that I desire and need my relationship with Him more then I desire and need the answers .. So for now we wait on The Lord, and I think that's how it should be!

Friday, December 10, 2010

Doctor Talk

After talking to the doctors this is what I have gathered: Yesterday they began calling Los Angeles childrens hospital; they are looking for any type of answer or advice and LA seems to treat more cases involving issues that might be similar to Eowyns'. Hopefully they have seen some cases where patients showed similar symptoms. They are also talking about experimental drugs such as Flolan. As far as I know they havn't used Flolan on someone wynnies size. Also, yesterday was the first day I heard them mention a tracheotomy.
As of right now the doctors are calling this a lung disease, because there are no virus or bacterial conditions to link to her condition. They seem to be reluctant in doing the biopsy at this point and are unsure that it will even tell them anything they don't already know. They know that Eowyn's lungs are hypertensious; they know that it has effected her heart, they believe that musculature around the vessels has thickend greatly--which is common for hypertension-- and those muscles seems to spasm when irritated closing off air-ways. They are assuming this is what they will find out from the biopsy, which, like I said, they already know. I think we are still planning on the biopsy, just for a time when they can get her ventilator settings way down.
Please pray for us that we don't get sick. I have been feeling under the weather these last few days, I am not sure if something is coming on if its because I am stressed and havn't slept since Noah build the ark.

Thank you God for friends and for the body of the church.
Oh, and praise God that I do not have a tumor on my tibia...the X-rays came back negative!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Eowyn Update 2

The tube is now in her belly, and they have drained several hundred cc's of fluid. However, it has not affected the ventilator settings as of yet. Her condition for the most part remains the same. We are now just waiting for the ventilator settings to go down so that the doctors can do the biopsy. Until then the news will be very minimal as we are watching her health and making sure that she is stable. Please continue to pray for Autum and I. We are running several different fundraisers at this time and please pray that they do well. Pray for Scarletthreadz that it would start to generate some income. I might be getting an album cover for IAMAMMUNITION. If anything changes in her health we will post an update.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Eowyn Update 1

As of right now Eowyns' progression has been minimal; her lungs still have extreme hypertension, which is affecting heart. The lung biopsy has been temporarily postponed until the condition in her stomach gets better. She has a condition which they are calling an ileus; in addition, her intestines are inflamed and bloated, which means they cannot feed her to counteract her ileus. This morning the doctors started talking about doing a lung biopsy with scopes instead of an open biopsy. They are conversing with pathology to see just how big of a chunk they need to determine the condition of her lungs.
They are going to start her on a drug called Bosentan to help with her hypertension.
The last few days she has really been struggling to breath; they have had to bag her several times a day. Hopefully this new drug will help. Because the lungs do not stop growing till you reach the age of seven, hopefully with the help of this new drug, it is possible that the new celia can grow in fully functional.
Until they have completed the biopsy the only new news will be about the condition of her stomach. If they decide that a small chunk of her lung is sufficient they may proceed with the biopsy as early as tomorrow. Please pray diligently as this procedure poses a great threat while she is in her current condition.
As of right now Autum and I are ok. We struggle daily with stress, devastation, and depression but we are trying to remain hopeful for the bible commands us not to worry. Eowyn is in God's hands now; there is little that man can offer compared to Him. We believe in God NOT because he promised we would live in perfect health and always be healed when ill; if God never healed another person again it wouldn't change what God has already done on Calvary. We hold fast to the promise that God has already conquered death and offered salvation and eternity to those who believe in Jesus, and that we do.
This is what we are praying for: we pray that God will give us an extra measure of faith and hope. We pray for the complete and utter healing of Eowyn; we also pray that God's will be done, that our marriage will grow stronger through this time, that our children will gain understanding, good health, and a greater love for God and family. We pray that God will help us to be better, stronger parents during this time, full of patience, that God will help us to be flexible without breaking, that God will provide for our family, that Autum will be a pillar in our family, a source of comfort and strength for our children, and we pray that God will use my talents for His kingdom; finally, that we gain vision and purpose when we feel that we have none.