Monday, February 7, 2011
Family Update 1: It's Been 1 Week
I would have to say that I can't believe a week has passed already. I guess with all the memorial arrangements, having to pack up all her stuff and getting things in the house moved around one does tend to lose track of time .. half the time I don't even know what day it is. Still with all this going on I do still feel like I'm missing something, like I've misplaced something really important and I just can't seem to find it! It's how I explain how I feel about Eowyn not being here, the only way I can share with you how it feels to not have her here anymore .. My life feels less hectic, like I have so much more free time. I guess thats what happens when you don't have to drive to Loma Linda everyday, your time just gets freed up. I would have to say that not having Eowyn here, as in this house, isn't what feels odd to me. She hasn't been home in so long that I'm used to not having a baby here, what's weird to me is not driving to Loma Linda to see her everyday. Not driving up Lambs Canyon, getting on the 10W freeway, complaining about all the crazy drivers (and no I'm not one of them), exiting at Tippecanoe and driving up the street to the hospital, trying to find a parking spot (which is near impossible and something they should really work on fixing) then going inside and waiting for one of the only elevators that work (something else they should fix) and finally getting to the 5th floor, walking through the double doors and seeing all the nurses, RT's and doctors that I've grown so close to .. Men and women who have dedicated there tie to taking such good care of my daughter, people I trust. They are apart of my family now and they have known Eowyn just as long as anyone else has, these are the things I miss, the things I feel weird not doing on a daily basis. It also feels weird not being able to see my daughter, to hold her hand, even not seeing her Trach is weird for me .. So many things that I got used to doing and seeing and now it's all over. I know there's an adjustment period for everyone and this one is going to take a bit more time to get used to but I can't help but be joyful at the same time .. It's almost like God has held back my tears for the last few days and replaced it with Joy. Joy in knowing that Eowyn is in His arms and she is made perfect and even though I miss all those things I just listed I'm also thankful I don't have to do them any longer because it means that she's no longer in pain, she's no longer suffering, everything that was keeping her there at the hospital is now gone, like a vapor! She ran the good race and God called her home, as much as I miss her I'm also so very proud of her. In the short amount of time she did have here on earth she did a great work for the body of Christ and that is something to smile about .. One day I'll be able to tell her how proud of her I am face to face and I'll give her the biggest hug ever! I miss her so much and I'm not sure when the felling I have of something being misplaced will go away but I lean on God and He keeps me going one step at a time. Thank you all for your prayers for our family, we need them.