Monday, February 14, 2011

Family Update 3: Valentines Day~Our First Holiday w/o Her.

Caleb and I went out to Newport yesterday to celebrate Valentines Day with our awesome friends Jeremy and Jenifer .. We went out to Joes Crab Shack where Jen had the privilege of teaching me how to crack my own cab and eat it. It was amazing to say the least, it was a wonderful break from the everyday grind or in my case a break from my mind and it's obsession to think about Eowyn. Now we're here on Valentines Day and as I look around and see all the many people celebrating their love for one another I can't help but think how I only want to show love to one person and she's not here to do that with. I find myself missing her more and more each day and my mind becomes engulfed with pictures and memories of her .. I almost have to make myself not think about her just so I won't go crazy. An inspiring person told me today that instead of thinking about how I'm doing here on earth, focus on how she is doing up there in heaven and it might help make me feel better. I would have to say, for the short time I was able to do it, that it does work and does put a smile on my face. I guess it's all about perspective and mine was facing a little bit in the wrong direction .. I don't want to feel sorry for myself, going around saying why me, why now, how could this happen?! I'll never know the answers to those questions anyways till I get to heaven and by then, after seeing all my family and friends, and not to mention Jesus, I may not want to or even care to know the answers to those questions. This is what I do know: God is to loving to be unkind and He's to perfect to make mistakes .. So whatever the reason is, for what happened, God was and is always in control! I do still miss her and I really don't think that will ever go away completely. Now I just have to remind myself to think about her being in heaven and trying to imagine what kinds a crazy fun things her and her best friend are doing up there .. How I can't wait to partake in that!! So Happy Valentines Day to you all and I pray it was a sweet reminder of God's limitless love for you and how He yearns for you to be in His arms totally engulfed by His love .. Thats the picture He gave me through this trial with Eowyn, how I long to be with her and how I want her to know how very much I love her, how words are lacking in my brain to express to her my love for her and my yearning to hold her one more time .. How much more does our Father want those things for us!! The picture I have in my head is beautiful and I long for the day I can be held and loved on by my Father in heaven.

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